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newest dt by neo-tek newest dt :iconneo-tek:neo-tek 0 0
Literature
never again
tears flow down dirty cheeks like rivers,
marking the passage of pain in rivulets of clean skin,
the death of a dream.
like a cloud blown apart by winds,
a dream so solid and certain,
becomes filmy and indistinct
as your words blow it apart.
it shatters like glass and the shards of a future,
a future with you-
rain down upon me and
pierce my heart and soul.
i am numb
i feel dead inside
my heart hurts-
but how do the dead feel such pain?
i am crushed by regret,
by a loathing of myself
that is so strong it is like lead
inside my chest...
i feel my heart blacken and shrivel
i feel emotion rage through me like fire
i feel the hot sting of tears flowing from me
i feel such anger and pain i believe that i might explode.
i can no longer think in linear lines
i am confused in spirit
i hurt so much i wish i could not feel
i wish i could find that place inside me that makes them
and crush it forever.
it makes me wish i could never feel again,
i feel myself growing harder,
making a conscious deci
:iconneo-tek:neo-tek
:iconneo-tek:neo-tek 1 0
Literature
I Can Run
in my dreams
i can run.
heart steady
limbs warm and limber.
effortless
i cover distance.
running feels like nothing
like nothing and joy</b>.
i can't explain but,
i could run forever
in my dreams.
i awake and:
my feet have no feeling,
my legs don't obey
i command nothing.
my hands are pins and needles
i can hardly carry myself.
but:
in my dreams
i can run.
in my dreams
my crippled body doesn't exist.
in my dreams
i am free.
:iconneo-tek:neo-tek
:iconneo-tek:neo-tek 2 2
my new screen shot by neo-tek my new screen shot :iconneo-tek:neo-tek 0 2
Literature
forget me
familiar paths and hallways,
flow by me.
forget me.
i can't sleep anymore,
you'll never feel the cold,
because i'm not for you.
forget me.
seasons grow brittle,
i'd like to escape.
forget me.
i'm freezing in this endless summer,
i'd build a world for you,
but i'm no longer that kind of joy.
forget me.
:iconneo-tek:neo-tek
:iconneo-tek:neo-tek 2 4
new screen on my sentia by neo-tek new screen on my sentia :iconneo-tek:neo-tek 0 0
Literature
somehow i can
i've been hiding
inside my mind i'm hiding
behind logic i'm hiding
behind the hurt i'm hiding
i am crying.
deep inside,
where the sun cannot touch it
lives the hurt that shapes my life
the hurt that breaks my heart
the hurt that bends my mind...
the hurt that tears everything apart.
there is nothing that can touch it
noone can break through to it
there is too much pain
too much grief
too much and not enough
i am still hiding.
i try to let it go
i try to let you know
i try so hard to be
a me that doesn't freeze
a me that doesn't slide away
a me that can feel things...
i type these words
and they mean nothing to me
i can cry
but not for myself.
for others
for you
for the abstract
but never for a scared little boy
who never learned to share his pain.
who learned to dance in the rain...
but only when nobody is watching.
who learned to mime the emotions of life
who learned to skate through it all untouched...
dying inside a little more everyday.
crying inside the smile he wears
dying inside
:iconneo-tek:neo-tek
:iconneo-tek:neo-tek 1 12
Literature
simmer
there is something,
seething-simmering,
deep inside my soul;
i am almost whole.
there is something,
breathing life slowly,
into who i used to be;
i am almost home.
there is something,
elemental-sentimental,
breaking my chains;
i am almost sane.
there is something,
freeing-believing,
setting fire to me;
i am almost named.
there is something,
ephemeral-transcendental,
in the transience of existence,
i am almost shamed.
:iconneo-tek:neo-tek
:iconneo-tek:neo-tek 0 3
Literature
I miss a secret shared with U
out of the darkness in my mind,
i find that you and i,
out of the darkness in my mind,
i find that i...
here where i can no longer pretend,
where i can no longer hang my head,
where the pain is so real;
so immediate,
so strange,
so fresh and sane.

life is so surreal.
nothing stays the same
nothing can live forever
and love is a mystery to me.
where do i go from here,
what can i say,
what can i do;
that doesn't remind me of you?
i'm broken,
falling down,
the wrong words fill my mind,
i'll somehow find...
i'm quiet.
i've found that i'm scared to know,
i'm scared to grow,
it's the right thing to do,
but can i be that strong?
i don't know...

i've lost my place,
i'm closed inside,
i'm so afraid of tomorrow,
that,
i can't see today...
out of the darkness in my mind,
the doubts flow like wine.
out of the darkness of my mind,
the moment freezes in time...
how can i smile and cry at the same time?
:iconneo-tek:neo-tek
:iconneo-tek:neo-tek 0 6
Literature
ponderous the ponderosa life
"electric:
the voices behind my back
effortless:
the lies on the attack
wonderful:
what i don't know can't hurt me
ponderous:
the suspicion that paralyzes me"
the words pound my mind raw,
making hash of memory and emotion
building bridges in places uncharted
the limbic, visceral rage escapes.

i have found,
i find,
i will find.
y o u o u t
by the shore of the ruin of the life of man
one man
all men
the heart is a mysterious force
of
d e s t r u c t i o n
the rain is no recompense.
find your own answers in that hall
of odious despair/care
riding the silence into oblivion
just what you want for me
inconceivable
in  con  ceive
the constancy of clemency
the blame holds court in your fort of adoration
i blame you
the choice not to choose is still a choice
bit of morsel-like trivia tidbits in my brain.
the dorsal fin is too obvious
for four you the serpentine of slithering saints
so cozy your scales.
i eye captain.
:iconneo-tek:neo-tek
:iconneo-tek:neo-tek 1 12
Literature
there is nothing i can write
i'm in a place i can't explain,
my words ring hollow.
i'm in a place full of pain,
words i cannot follow.
i feel so strange,
so weirdly obvious.
i feel half-made,
so obsequious.
my mind breaks without me,
i'm so insane.
my life moves on without me,
i see nothing new in the rain.
there is so much i never say,
to you, to me, to the unknowing.
there can never be enough time,
for us, for this, for anything.
i wish i could say what i mean,
that i hate what i see when i see me.
there is nothing that is not colored with pain,
and i can't make the move to be.
i drop out, i run away, i hide,
so you will never see the real me.
who am i?
:iconneo-tek:neo-tek
:iconneo-tek:neo-tek 3 9
Literature
cold summer
cold winter arms encircle,
the dawn is so far away.
inarticulate grief wraps around,
tomorrow is a dream.
broken streams flow by me,
love is a mystery.
:iconneo-tek:neo-tek
:iconneo-tek:neo-tek 0 5
gehen deutschland by neo-tek gehen deutschland :iconneo-tek:neo-tek 0 9
Literature
issues
hypnotized,
and i feel things in black and white.
waiting,
for the vibrancy to return to life.
wish,
that i could cry.
wish,
that i could fall down and scream.
thinking,
nothing spectacular.
:iconneo-tek:neo-tek
:iconneo-tek:neo-tek 1 4
Literature
it's not easy
there's still time for you...
live, love, learn, fall, breathe.
there is no time to lose...
scream, fly, ride, cry, leave.
there's alway's time to choose...
wrong, right, no-one else in sight.
there is no more time in these shoes...
find a way to make a sign.
:iconneo-tek:neo-tek
:iconneo-tek:neo-tek 0 2
Literature
collide
two minds inside,
diametrically opposed,
a dichotomy of inharmony.
my head is ready to explode,
sometimes,
a parody of normalcy.
one love,
one life,
two minds inside.
where do i go from here,
this insane fear,
an open door.
i slide between the lines,
of a world gone black and white,
a sliver of gray; finite.
:iconneo-tek:neo-tek
:iconneo-tek:neo-tek 0 7

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Activity


It's a good question.

I look back to 2002 when I joined DA, and so much has happened in the decade that followed that moment.

I finished college, went to graduate school, started a company, wrote a novel, ran a (first of many) marathon(s).

Who I am now is not who I was then, but the core spirit of that boy remains.

A lot can change in ten years. A lot stays the same too though :)

-ryan

deviantID

neo-tek's Profile Picture
neo-tek
i build video games and write words.
Artist | Professional | Varied
United States
I'm from Germany, grew up around the world and in the 2oh!2. I went college at the greatest place on earth: Ohio University. I am a code monkey, artist and writer. I am a distance runner, I am many things but the one I'm most proud of being is me.

"irrationality is a state of grace"
Interests

Comments


Add a Comment:
 
:iconamaranthia:
Amaranthia Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2011
Hey you!
thanks for stopping by my dA wall... I've been so out of the loop since I deactivated my facebook account.

To answer your question: no, I didn't go to law school, but I sure as heck kept the car that my dad bought me when I was accepted. :D

How's Washington DC treating you?
Reply
:icondarkoceansoul:
DarkOceanSoul Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2009
big grin
Reply
:iconneo-tek:
neo-tek Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2009  Professional General Artist
:D
Reply
:icondarkoceansoul:
DarkOceanSoul Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2009
Thank for Add and Fav :)
Reply
:iconneo-tek:
neo-tek Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2009  Professional General Artist
:D np I like your gallery alot ;)
Reply
:icondarkoceansoul:
DarkOceanSoul Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2009
:blush: well Thank you a lot :)
Reply
:iconneo-tek:
neo-tek Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2009  Professional General Artist
:D
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconkitty-lover-club:
kitty-lover-club Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2008
Hey there.What is my deviant number?
Reply
:iconmourn:
mourn Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2008  Professional Writer
haha mine is : 348,017... oh and i'm not dead yet :) how ya been alter-ego?
Reply
:icondeep0r:
deep0r Featured By Owner May 18, 2008
Why the german flag? Ô.o
Reply
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