neo-tek

tears flow down dirty cheeks like rivers, marking the passage of pain in rivulets of clean skin, the death of a dream. like a cloud blown apart by winds, a dream so solid and certain, becomes filmy and indistinct as your words blow it apart. it shatters like glass and the shards of a future, a future with you- rain down upon me and pierce my heart and soul. i am numb i feel dead inside my heart hurts- but how do the dead feel such pain? i am crushed by regret, by a loathing of myself that is so strong it is like lead inside my chest... i feel my heart blacken and shrivel i feel emotion rage through me like fire i feel the

in my dreams i can run. heart steady limbs warm and limber. effortless i cover distance. running feels like nothing like nothing and joy. i can't explain but, i could run forever in my dreams. i awake and: my feet have no feeling, my legs don't obey i command nothing. my hands are pins and needles i can hardly carry myself. but: in my dreams i can run. in my dreams my crippled body doesn't exist. in my dreams i am free.

familiar paths and hallways, flow by me. forget me. i can't sleep anymore, you'll never feel the cold, because i'm not for you. forget me. seasons grow brittle, i'd like to escape. forget me. i'm freezing in this endless summer, i'd build a world for you, but i'm no longer that kind of joy. forget me.

i've been hiding inside my mind i'm hiding behind logic i'm hiding behind the hurt i'm hiding i am crying. deep inside, where the sun cannot touch it lives the hurt that shapes my life the hurt that breaks my heart the hurt that bends my mind... the hurt that tears everything apart. there is nothing that can touch it noone can break through to it there is too much pain too much grief too much and not enough i am still hiding. i try to let it go i try to let you know i try so hard to be a me that doesn't freeze a me that doesn't slide away a me that can feel things... i type these words and they mean nothing to me i ca

there is something, seething-simmering, deep inside my soul; i am almost whole. there is something, breathing life slowly, into who i used to be; i am almost home. there is something, elemental-sentimental, breaking my chains; i am almost sane. there is something, freeing-believing, setting fire to me; i am almost named. there is something, ephemeral-transcendental, in the transience of existence, i am almost shamed.

out of the darkness in my mind, i find that you and i, out of the darkness in my mind, i find that i... here where i can no longer pretend, where i can no longer hang my head, where the pain is so real; so immediate, so strange, so fresh and sane. life is so surreal. nothing stays the same nothing can live forever and love is a mystery to me. where do i go from here, what can i say, what can i do; that doesn't remind me of you? i'm broken, falling down, the wrong words fill my mind, i'll somehow find... i'm quiet. i've found that i'm scared to know, i'm scared to grow, it's the right thing to do, but can i be that st

"electric: the voices behind my back effortless: the lies on the attack wonderful: what i don't know can't hurt me ponderous: the suspicion that paralyzes me" the words pound my mind raw, making hash of memory and emotion building bridges in places uncharted the limbic, visceral rage escapes. i have found, i find, i will find. y o u o u t by the shore of the ruin of the life of man one man all men the heart is a mysterious force of d e s t r u c t i o n the rain is no recompense. find your own answers in that hall of odious despair/care riding the silence into oblivion just what you want for me inconceivable in  c