somehow i can

i've been hiding
inside my mind i'm hiding
behind logic i'm hiding
behind the hurt i'm hiding
i am crying.

deep inside,
where the sun cannot touch it
lives the hurt that shapes my life
the hurt that breaks my heart
the hurt that bends my mind...
the hurt that tears everything apart.

there is nothing that can touch it
noone can break through to it
there is too much pain
too much grief
too much and not enough
i am still hiding.

i try to let it go
i try to let you know
i try so hard to be
a me that doesn't freeze
a me that doesn't slide away
a me that can feel things...

i type these words
and they mean nothing to me
i can cry
but not for myself.

for others
for you
for the abstract
but never for a scared little boy
who never learned to share his pain.

who learned to dance in the rain...
but only when nobody is watching.

who learned to mime the emotions of life
who learned to skate through it all untouched...
dying inside a little more everyday.

crying inside the smile he wears
dying inside the heart he fears

he is so lost.

sometimes i forget that i am him.

but not tonight.